If You Like It...

Then, according to Beyonce', "You shoulda put a ring on it"... Ha!!! So, my very good friend and # 1 fan Dee (she's gonna kill me for that one), posed a question: How long does he have before he has to? Let me put it out there and say that I think if he's not clear after 3 years, that this courtship is worthy of marriage, you both may need to take self-inventory and figure out where that gap is (because you both are clearly not on the same page) and moreover, if this relationship is the right one. Now, there are exceptions... For instance, a recent graduation. Money may be scarce and he's trying to navigate a specific career path so that financially he's ready for a family. But honestly, there shouldn't be too many reasons that a man won't marry or at least ask you to take that journey with him.

When Jay and I were dating, it was about a year into the relationship before he officially asked me to marry him and we got married about a year or so after that. We had already talked about getting married, because the relationship was right and we both were clicking on all cylinders, so there was no need to keep that subject a secret. I think it strange that women, and men, feel like they're putting some kind of obia, or curse, on the relationship by bringing up the discussion of marriage. But if we are adults, why wouldn't that be important? Maybe you were someone he was jumping off with and he never saw you as anything more than "cheeks". (Just a sidebar that I thought was note worthy. LOL...) OR, unless of course marriage is just not on his menu (Brown Sugar fans know that line). Then it would be your bad to wait around for 15 years and wonder why he still is not ready to make you his wife when you knew full well that he never intended to marry you. Sometimes things change and homeboy just might change his mind and you live happily ever after. (BTW: I'm absolutely against trying to "change" a man's mind... First of all, we're too grown and if there's more about him that I'd like to change than there are things that I love about him, it's time to exit stage left).

But, there are different reasons why men say they're not ready, which include, but are not limited to the following:

1. "I'm not financially ready"

2. "I'm working on me"

3. "I don't wanna rush"

While all of them make sense in the very early stages of a relationship, they expire after the relationship is mature and you've gone through years of sharing, investing time, energy and money, loving, discussing, sexing (for some), talking and evolving. Ultimately it boils down to being clear on what type of relationship you're in and who you're in it with. (Another sidebar: You better be sure that this is the person you want to be with for the rest of your years before you beat him over the head with Beyonce' lyrics. LOL...) Women are good, for the most part, in gauging the genuine intentions of a man. But where we mess up is never making sure that our expectations or intentions are known and being okay with just being together for all of those years and hoping that he thinks you're the one. I'm absolutely not saying to bring marriage up on the first date, but if you can offer all of you, including your body (and don't be in here fronting like you didn't give it up) then I think marriage is topic-worthy with a man that you say you love and who says that he loves you and after years together, I think he should know if he's ready to "put a ring on it" and you know if he's really the one that ever will.

So, you tell me... How long do you think a man has before he pops the question? AND, I'd really like to know why you guys think men really stall or get scared of the thought of marriage...