The State of Black Relationships: I'm leaving you... For a white woman...
Aaah yes... A moment that we all stood and applauded for. But girlfriends, I have to ask, "Why?. Were we cheering for Bernie because she got her revenge on a lying, cheating, heartless so-and-so? Or were we happy that she got her revenge on a lying, heartless, S.O.B that cheated on her with a white woman? Of course Hollywood is responsible for a portion that bitterness. They made the mistress white on purpose, to encite the thoughts and feelings that a black women would relate to. Even if we never personally experienced it, it definitely made some of us wonder what was so much better in his white mistress that he left his wife and kids. Would we have felt that way if the mistress wasn't white?(BTW: I have no quams about interracial dating, I do however find it disrespectful for a man to put down women of his own ethnicity to justify why he likes women outside of his race.)
There was a guy that I encountered back in high school that made it his business to tell me that I was cute to be a dark-skinned black girl and that while our kids would be cute, they'd be too dark and they would have nappy hair and that's why he would never date a black girl. What kind of back handed compliment was that? Mind you, he was a dark skinned black man, and not for nothing, ugly as sin. Well, about a year or so ago I came across a study that was done at an "unamed" Midwestern college about dating/marriage preferences among blacks. Here is what the study suggests:
- Black men prefer lighter complexions in their mates, whether just dating or marriage. The study included 100 participants, half of them males and half females. According to the findings, nearly 96 percent of black men prefer medium to light complexions (including white women).
- The research also delved into the cause of these findings, most of which pointed back to some form of "colorism" stemming from the period of time between slavery and desegregation, during which lighter skin meant more privilege and better treatment.
Wow...
Ok people, give me your thoughts...
1. Do you think some black women "push" black men to want to be with white women becasue they feel like they'll be treated better or that a white woman knows her "place"(i.e., less neck rolling and lip)?
2. Are white women still coveted by some black men (i.e., leave Master's daughter alone)?
3. Also, what's the deal with colorism amongst blacks?
I want to put a disclaimer out there and say that I am in no way against interracial relationships, God knows I'm a product of a few (as we all are if we wanna take it back). I am in awe of black love, but moreover, I'm in awe of real love-non color specific. I put topics out there that are sometimes "the elephant in the room", meaning, I'm sure we've all seen it and made our own observation, but never had an opportunity to speak on it. So, here we are...
Labels: Relationships and Marriage
posted by Ebby G. @ 3:36 PM
2 Comments:
I wrote a long post on my old blog about color and the women came out and talked about how they felt being brown versus lighter and you can tell it stirred up some deep feelings that are still for the most part unresolved in our culture. I don't have a problem with whomever someone chooses to be with, but don't re: the movie, don't marry a black woman and then want to take everything you made and earned with her to a new relationship with another black woman "or" a white woman.
I was speaking to a friend about this topic today and he brought up some interesting points about how a woman's background plays a part in why black men date white women and how statistically white women are brought up in a 2 parent home where the mother will never teach the daughter that she doesn't need a man and will show the daughter what it is to take care of him and be whatever he needs her to be, whereas there are more single mothers in black homes and you then have a bitter mother who will say to a daughter, "you don't need a man to define you" and yada yada. So when these women get to the "marrying age", the white woman will be more desireable because she is willing to take care of that black man and cherish him and be whatever to him, where the black woman may very well love him, but has that" I wish a ninja would attitude". We need a forum night that we all can get together and just talk!!!
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