I Cheat Because...

I had a conversation with some people yesterday about why people cheat and a gentleman in the group says, "I cheat because I like to be in a relationship with a woman that's corny, not into much and not too freaky because if she's doing me like a porn star, all willing to do whatever, I'm sure I'm not the only one that she's doing like that PLUS I'd be looking at her differently, almost like my flower was defiled. So I cheat on the good corny girl with the freak".

Pause...

So I asked, "If she were your wife, would you still feel the same way?" He paused and thought about it and finally he said, "Probably". Okay, I have a few problems with this. First of all, that has to be the lamest reason that I ever heard as to why a man does what he does. This is what I believe: I believe men cheat for 2 reasons: 1. Because they want to and 2. Because they can. Now there are a million reasons they may give as to why they do it like: 1. I wasn't getting what I needed at home 2. I was seduced 3. It just happened. But ultimately it's because he could (and the men that I asked about that all agree). Now, women cheat for different reasons that are tied to some emotional explanation, but at any rate... Another friend of mine believes that dude must have gotten played and hurt one too many times by the "freak". Well that's what happens when you keep trying to turn a _____ into a housewife. I don't care for that cliche', but I'll be if it ain't true. But, I digress.

Secondly my friend, you already came in the relationshsip with the intent to cheat!!! You can't even use an excuse at that point. You courted the corny girl on purpose just to say that her uber-corniness in the bed was the reason that you cheated. You didn't even give her a chance to prove you wrong.

Another thing, you should know that if you're not taking care of her somebody will (if she's willing to let them) and from his own admission she has that "go both ways potential". Listen, I am not here to judge I'm just putting some things out there for him to consider. They're supposed to be getting married soon and it would be bad business if you look up after the nuptials and little mama is sliding off with another little mama. Keep playing. This girl is already making mental notes and you can appreciate that she's on to you baby! Even if she doesn't know for sure that he's skating, she has a feeling. And guess what, if that's your wife, you better do helicopter man before she's playing it with some next dude AND his chick! LOL.

Anyway, I'm off of my soap box for now! Please feel free to add your take on it.

Ciao!

If They Point Down...

So, I was chatting with a very darling friend of mine, Cassandra, and we got on the subject of UNDERGARMENTS and that a lot of women are wearing the wrong ones or none at all. So I thought of all the undergarment faux pas that we women commit regularly and here are the ones that absolutely slay me:

Numero Uno: Going braless

-If your boobs sag, even just a little, and/or your nipples point down, you need a bra! (by the way, did anyone not tell her that her dress was sheer and that her boobage was totally visible?) Now, if you're kicking it in your white tee and shredded jeans at home or with your closest gal pals, hey take your bra off and liberate the girls. But if you are at a public event, or in public period, this is a No-No!!!! (And is it just me that hates to see random nippleage? I mean sometimes we get cold and we can't help it, but there's nothing wrong with a bra with a little cushion is all I'm saying.)

BTW: Girdles were made for days like this! LOL. Now, I'm a victim of "mommy pouch" and I don't know what I'd do without my Spanx or a girdle to such that in! And not for nothing, but a belt that cuts you right between the bulge... Which brings me to my next point.

Part Deux: Please and Spanx!

-Okay... If you have a pouch or a roll that you have to tuck in, like some of us do, may I suggest Spanx? What are Spanx you ask? Spanx are something like a girdle and pantyhose all in one. They smooth out the belly, butt, hips and thighs. You know what, I have another issue with this lady. Not only does she suffer from dunlap, she is clearly in denial about what size she is. Did she not know that shirt was too small? Just a thought...

- Below is another example when an investment in Spanx should have been made. Even for those of us who are a size 4, if your underwear cause you to have two butts, your rear has either become a vicim of gravity or it's bigger than you think and your drawers are too small! And another thing, if you have the kind of cellulite that you can see through your pants... I digress.

And just because I feel like it:

Say NO to hose and open toes! (<--My new campaign slogan) Unless of course you are the dancer Ginger Rogers. =)

I hope that I have enlightened someone today. Please let our quest to decrease VPL and the unwanted appearance of hard nipples and saggy breats not be in vein. Won't you join me on this campaign trail?

(collective chant and fist pumps)

"NO TO HOSE AND OPEN TOES...NO TO HOSE AND OPEN TOES"

"WHAT DO WE WANT? SPANX! WHEN DO WE WANT THEM? NOW!"